Have You Told These Stupid Lies?
1. A Dangerous Warning
“My husband’s father informed him that the danger light button was the vehicle’s’self-destruct button.’” He was horrified the first time he saw the warning lights coming on.”
2. Who was the last one to drink?
“My stepfather always drank this vegetable juice to lose weight, but for years he pretended it was blood and attempted to persuade us to have a sip; practically every time he tried to persuade us to try a sip, we would scream.” For years, I believed this until I finally read the bottle and learned it was just vegetable juice.”
3. Is This a Blasphemy?
“A group of lunatics in the desert decided a few thousand years ago that there was a Big Man in the Sky who wanted them to k**l anyone who didn’t agree with them about the exact qualities of The Big Man in the Sky. They eventually came to believe that if you mast**bated, The Big Man in the Sky would send you to hell for all eternity, but that he was completely happy with slavery. Regrettably, many individuals continue to believe this untruth.”
4. A Bold Attempt
“In high school, a student inquired as to why American soldiers in WWII were referred to as doughboys. I explained that while they were in France, they would visit French women and fall in love with the French bread, so they continued returning. This is also why the Pillsbury doughboy exists. My teacher swiftly dismissed this explanation, but for a little minute, I had them.”
5. The Present Doesn’t Have to Be Everything
“‘Live in the now.’ Carpe Diem was a popular theme in high school and college.
6. Santa Claus Isn’t the Right Kind
“When I was around four years old, my older brother told me that because we didn’t have a chimney, we had to leave the door unlocked on Christmas Eve so Santa could come in. We forgot about it, and a month later we were robbed.”
7. Perhaps Gramps is a unique individual.
“My grandfather used to tell me about how he went hunting one day and a snake ate his leg because he was so concentrated on the hunt.” Then, in a fit of wrath, he hacked her open from head to tail, but after a while, he felt horrible and sewed her back together. She bolted, and his leg grew back after a while. “I have no idea why I thought I didn’t have a clue.”
8. The Selection Is Actually Quite Broad
“When I was a youngster, I heard this one a few of times: “God’s designs are so exact that if the earth were a few inches closer or farther away from the sun, we’d burn down or freeze.”
9. The World’s Dreadful Situation
“A government that provides financial assistance to persons in need (even at times of global health and economic crises) is a sort of Communism that should never be considered.” To be clear, I’ve never believed this, but I know a lot of people who do.”
“There was a story in middle school that I was a Russian spy. Everyone believed that and ignored me for the next month because they didn’t want to divulge personal information to Russia.”
11. Grandpa had a lot of knowledge.
“My grandfather told me a story about those road signs that warn about falling pebbles. He claimed they were erected by a Native American chief in an attempt to locate his estranged son, Falling Rock. I’d look for him every time I saw those signs, only to find out years later that he’d made it all up. “Man, I was a dunderhead as a child.”