We’ve learned since we were kids that we want to do something bad to someone. If you hurt someone in preschool, you apologize for it, but if you’re a child, that’s fine.
But if you want to apologize, your apology should be as loud as your disrespect was, and it should be more than just an apology. This often happens, but it is especially true for those of us who want or need to apologize for our disrespect.
If you have apologized so loudly to someone, you should apologize as loudly as you have been disrespectful.
Before every word that leaves your mouth, you need to take stock of why you feel sorry for yourself. Look at your actions, your behavior and your feelings and why we feel sorry for you. Taking stock of the relationships between our actions and our emotions, as well as our thoughts and feelings, why we feel sorry for ourselves.
To say that you are sorry is the most important thing you can do when you have wronged someone. Understanding why you feel sorry for yourself is step one, but understanding what the person who did this to you feels a bit like step two. Understand what they have done and apologize to them as loudly as possible.
It must be an admission that you made a mistake, but also an explanation of your regret.
To be fair, there is a difference between saying those words when you are really sorry, and saying just words. Apologizing for something you don’t feel sorry for makes words and character less important. You have to say that you understand why you feel sorry, not just the word “sorry.”
To apologize as vociferously as you do for your disrespect, you need to articulate why you feel sorry for yourself. It is important to say that you are sorry, but it is not all you have to do or say.
Understanding how you made the other party feel is absolutely crucial to legitimizing your apology. Talk about what you have learned, talk about how clearly you have been affected by your actions, and talk to those you have learned from.
Every mistake, especially that which harms other people, gives you an important teachable moment. If you make a mistake and try to correct it in good faith, you can always learn something.
If you apologize, it is not only to cover your ass and restore your trust; you cannot trust the other person if he does not know you.
Part of your excuse should be to recognize and understand that if you make that mistake again there will be consequences. If you do not understand the consequences, and perhaps the most serious, you cannot trust the other party. Talk about learning from your mistake, but part of that is understanding your consequences. Once you understand the consequences and what they are (and that you have to do them again), you trust them.
If you do, you are preventing the consequences from being addressed, and if you do not, you must do it again, even if it costs you.
This part can be simple and short, but make sure you know and list all the ways you are going to change, not only the things you have done, but also what you have done.
The final step in the process of a loud apology is to explicitly ask the other party for forgiveness. When you talk about what steps you will take to avoid mistakes in the future, you will know that you are trying to correct your mistakes and work hard to be better in your future. It is not always easy to apologize in relationships with the offended party to do justice to your disrespect, but if you know what needs to happen to earn forgiveness, repeat one of the steps above.