I slowly realize that I’ve stopped thinking twice about people who do not condemn me, and I have not given up on anyone who does not deserve me.
I did everything for someone who couldn’t even bother to ask me about my day, and I did the opposite. I gave my time and energy to the wrong people and was there for the people who turned me away or left me when I needed them.
I will no longer waste my time and energy on people who do not love me and hope that they will change their minds and fall in love with me as soon as they see how wonderful I am.
I was almost killed by a toxic relationship, and each time the person at the other end of the relationship took advantage of my good nature and threw me away because they were bored or found a new victim.
I will not follow stupid rules that are set by someone who wants it to be easier for me, and I will be genuine without worrying whether someone likes me or not. The truth is that I am exhausted because I always give everything for someone I take for granted and feel empty and drained. I will prioritize everyone when I realize that I have priority in my life.
Right now I’m going to do things my way, but it’s not easy and I’m not doing it for myself, it’s not for you or me.
I will express what I feel, but I will not hide my feelings because I should not be ashamed of it, and I will express it because it is important to me.
I will not hide my soft heart because someone thinks it is the way not to break my heart or because I am afraid of being hurt or doing something.
What I will not get, however, is to live my life according to what my heart tells me or because I am afraid of what others will think of me. I will cry with you when you are sad, and I will be happy when we are happy, but not because of you.
Stop judging me on things I have no control over and stop pretending I’m not fucking you anymore because I am.
If you don’t care about someone, why should you care, and if someone doesn’t make you happy or give you meaning in your life, cut him out of your life.
I know where I want to be and the thing is that every day I work hard for the best version of myself that I am. I’m not sure what to do. I worked hard for everything I was and what I have, but I know I have to work harder on everything that has got me.
It’s not that I’m lost or naive, which can be resolved by a twist or a goodbye, but I’m just not sure.
I am now finding that I am surrounded by manipulative emotional abusers who lack the emotional capacity to care for anyone, including themselves. I will stay away from toxicity, but I will not let myself be hurt anymore, and if I make toxic shit, I will be there for the people who are hurting and not let them hurt.
If someone deceives me, I will not be silent, and if I pretend not to be, I will do it for them and not for myself.
I will fight for myself, I will endure it, and if they do not forgive me, I will fight for them.
Some people do not deserve forgiveness, others do not deserve a second chance, and I will do everything in my power to give a second chance to those who keep disappointing me. Some people, like my ex-wife and my wife’s husband, don’t really want to forgive me, but they don’t deserve a second chance.
They deserve a second chance to stay where they belong, in the past, but not in my future, where I am ready for a new beginning.
Finally I realize that I am no longer with them, and now I am taking care of my own growth and healing.