Having your first child is an incredible experience, and that seems to be the case with this young parents having an own child for the first time. They marry at 19, have their first-born at 21, and just as they become parents and are ready to welcome their child into the world, tragedy strikes. The mother dies shortly after birth, and the father is devastated and alone to raise his child.
Father resents son for the death of his wife
A 22-year-old single father took to Reddit to share his experiences. He spoke of his deep resentment of his baby, bordering on hatred.
“It was one of the happiest days of my life, our marriage was wonderful and I love her a lot. During my second year at university, she became pregnant and our parents did not support us, even though they were abusive and overbearing. We struggled to cuff off contact when she got pregnant because her parents threatened to end all financial support if she aborted.” After we decided to not have an abortion, we decided to raise the baby, but the pregnancy was very difficult for her and made her sick all the time.
He added that he had planned to attend medical school with his friends. He added that later that year, he was beside his wife on the delivery day even though this was a baby he never wanted. Little did he know he would be leaving hospital with a newborn.
Life alone with a newborn after wife died giving birth
“A year ago I was with my wife on maternity day with a baby I never wanted. When my wife died in childbirth, my life changed forever. I had no idea how to raise a child, how to be there for someone else or what to do. My son was not a fussy baby and slept until 8am most nights. I came home, picked him up, swung into dad mode and spent all my time with him, sleeping at intervals. With two jobs, he was around with my friends and rotated who would look after him while I worked. I worked 12-8am at night, and then I left him with my best friend. At 3pm, before I went to work at the local drugstore, I called every available one, and no one was: I’d have to call in sick. He’s sleeping next to me in his cradle and looking at his squishy little face I just hate him. I hate this kid. Well, not really; when he snuggles next to me the few hours I have off, I get a rush of affection for him, but most of the time, I hate him.”
On the anniversary of his wife’s death, his son’s birthday, he stated that he wished he had thrown a party for the family with cakes and balloons, but he could not do it. It wasn’t his birthday, it was the day his wife died. He says he’s been up since 3 am and been crying on and off all night.
“This isn’t his birthday; this is the day my wife died. If she had been here right now, then I wouldn’t be all by myself with a one-year-old. Who I literally hate more than anything in the world.”
The support of strangers after wife died giving birth
He also wonders what life would have been like and how different things might have been if his wife had not died.
The comments on his post share a common theme of empathy. Both Support as well as constructive criticism, with one saying: “I think you have a lot of misplaced anger towards your son. ‘I can’t even begin to imagine your pain. I know that little boy will grows older, and you will see your wife in him as well as you. Babies are hard, but things are getting easier. ‘I’m worried that you will be angry and hurt for your son. Please, though, I am also worried you may get angry and hurt him. Just please, if you ever feel yourself getting anywhere close to that point, please reach out to someone.”
More people reached out
Another one added: “All I can say is that you sound like you’re trying your best,” he added. “Whatever your feelings about your son, you cling to him because you have sacrificed everything you have worked for and you refuse to give up on him. Treat yourself with a few compliments. Your future is not over and your life story is not yet written. You will create a great future for yourself and your children, even if things seem bleak at the moment. Stay there and good luck with everything”.
A father begins to realize that it is not the right way to heal his son because his wife died in childbirth. The father responded with the following heartbreaking message after reading a comment on Reddit.
“I love this little guy, some days I hate him more than anything, other days all I want to do is grab him and hug him tight and tell him Dad’s lying on the couch crying and in the same time you’re the best part of his life. And I love you so much, my son. I wish he had been born in different circumstances. I wish I didn’t live in this country. And I wish him mother is still here. I wish I was ten years older. I wish I had a decent job. Also, I wish the house had no rats and cockroaches. And I wish I had money to make ends meet”.
This post on Reddit has since been deleted. We all wish this father and his son the best and hope that they will live the good life they deserve. This is a very difficult circumstance that we are in at the moment. But we are all different, and that is the point.